| 311 | Special Delivery! Tips for Improving Your Humor Preview: Delivering humorous speeches involves a lot more than simply having good material. Take some time to incorporate these tips into your presentations and watch the fun and laughter factors rise. In Fun Sigmund Freud wrote: "The most favorable condition for comic pleasure is a generally happy disposition in which one is in the mood for laughter." ... (more) Published By: Tom Antion Submitted: 16 February,2005 |
| 312 | The One Great Sermon That Got Away Preview: Most people don't realize ministers are obligated to prepare and preach one great sermon in their career. In looking over my record of sermons, I noticed many "good" sermons, but an obvious lack in the list of a single "great" sermon. Perusing my list brought back some marvelous memories. I smiled as I remembered each sermon and where I preached ... (more) Published By: Rev. James L. Snyder Submitted: 19 February,2005 |
| 313 | MARCH MADNESS & MERRIMENT! Preview: Copyright "The Quipping Queen" 2005. MARCH MADNESS & MERRIMENT! -- Or, eccentric events and odd occasions to celebrate in March 2005 -- **Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon Let’s see…it’s March. According to the Calendar of Quips, it’s definitely the third month of twelve, (which means we’re only one quarter... (more) Published By: Beatrice Blitterlees & Earl Craboon Submitted: 24 February,2005 |
| 314 | Quotes and Sayings - Colloquialisms Part 3 Preview: Not very nice but colloquialisms just the same. (just fill in the blank with a word of your choice) "you annoy me like a wet leaf stuck to my __" "they don't put foundations under s___ houses" "I'd rather board you than feed you, even if you sh__ the bed!" "he's like a one-legged man in an a__ -kicking contest". "oh, go sh__ in your hat" - only ... (more) Published By: Lisa Jay Submitted: 25 February,2005 |
| 315 | Quotes and Sayings - Colloquialisms Part 2 Preview: "bless her heart" - said after making a negative comment about someone "She is not too smart, bless her heart" "he's like a one-legged man in an a__-kicking contest" - someone is working hard, but getting nothing accomplished "off like a herd of turtles" "love in a cottage is he__ in a hut" - love may be rosy some times and rough the others. "don'... (more) Published By: Lisa Jay Submitted: 25 February,2005 |
| 316 | Quotes and Sayings - Colloquialisms Part 1 Preview: ku'lowkeweeu'lizum [n] a colloquial expression; characteristic of spoken or written communication that seeks to imitate informal speech, an expression, a local or regional dialect expression. I always remember my grandparents using such colorful quotes and sayings when I was growing up. Later, when I married my husband, we spent time with his gr... (more) Published By: Lisa Jay Submitted: 25 February,2005 |
| 317 | Tax Jokes and Quotes Preview: Tax Jokes and Quotes Do you realize that some tax forms ask you to check a box if you are BLIND? Quote: “Two years ago it was impossible to get through on the phone to the IRS. Now it's just hard to get through. That's progress.” -Charles Rossotti, former IRS Commissioner Disappointed that you never had time to write the great American... (more) Published By: Richard A. Chapo Submitted: 26 February,2005 |
| 318 | Be Happy, Join The Wednesday Worry Club Preview: Of all the people who know me, no one would say I am afflicted with worryitis. They may say other things about me, which may or may not be true, but that's another story. If you ask me, and nobody has, worry is just a waste of time that could be used more profitably. Every hour of worry takes away from an hour of happiness. There is absolutely no... (more) Published By: Rev. James L. Snyder Submitted: 26 February,2005 |
| 319 | TWITS, TWERPS & TWIZZLE STICKS Preview: Copyright Theolonius McTavish 2005. TWITS, TWERPS & TWIZZLE STICKS -- Or, there's more to being dumb than you think! -- North America, (and some might even go so far as to include a country due north of the 49th parallel known as "The Land of Ice & Snow"), has a quixotic fascination with, if not a fondness for, simple-minded souls. A quick ... (more) Published By: Theolonius McTavish Submitted: 28 February,2005 |
| 320 | my first day as the Easter Bunny Preview: My first day as the Easter Bunny. The set is moving. There are animatronics. No one told me there’d be animatronics A rabbit with a busted plaster ear eternally chases cabbages, which are inexplicably spinning, spinning. A tiny farmer, armed with a pitchfork ( a real pitchfork, mind you, on a children’s set---madness. ) a farmer futilely tr... (more) Published By: keith merritt Submitted: 04 March,2005 |
| 321 | Nurses, Bedpans And X-Rated Hospital Gowns Preview: Tuesday last I awoke from my nightly slumber with terrific pain in my chest, much like an elephant break-dancing on my chest. It was painful just to breathe, but like the trooper I am, I shrugged it off and set about my daily routine. Rather than improving, the pain intensified. I went to my office and started the day's work only to find it almos... (more) Published By: Rev. James L. Snyder Submitted: 05 March,2005 |
| 322 | FAMOUS LAST WORDS Preview: Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005. FAMOUS LAST WORDS ...or, are you sure the power is off? -- By Sherlock Tidpit, a jest-in-time™ technology expert, (and amateur sci-fi investigator of certain rare extra-terrestrial phenomena such as the timid “Stippleback Sourpuss”, the ever-elusive, wingless “Surly Spatterbug”, and the invisible, two-tailed ... (more) Published By: Sherlock Tidpit Submitted: 06 March,2005 |
| 323 | VICTORIA TO HOST 1ST ANNUAL "FEAST OF FOOLS" Preview: Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2005. For Immediate Release - March 9, 2005 VICTORIA TO HOST FIRST ANNUAL "FEAST OF FOOLS"! VICTORIA -- The capital of British Columbia will play host on April 1, 2005 to the 1st Annual “Feast of Fools”, in honor of the city’s most coveted award as a “Cultural Capital” of Canada, and a disparaging shortage of greet... (more) Published By: Victoria Elizabeth Submitted: 09 March,2005 |
| 324 | Sensational new evidence proving origins of Teddy Boys Preview: Sensational cover up exposed, original Teddy Boys were really bears all the time. Thanks to this exclusive Stiffsteiffs exposé, Teddy Boys make their comeback. Everyone thinks rock and roll kicked off Teddy Boys, but the very name should give you a clue. This pair, Phil and Don, are tough Teddy Boys. They have teddy tattoos, and they are the O... (more) Published By: malcolm james pugh Submitted: 11 March,2005 |
| 325 | ‘And How Do We Feel This Morning?' Preview: Without question, going to the hospital is teamwork from the time you arrive until you are wheeled out the front door. Everyone is working together for the common good of the patient, or at least a crack at his bank account. That is as it should be in such mercenary endeavors. Spending a few days in the hospital recently reinforced this in my own... (more) Published By: Rev. James L. Snyder Submitted: 12 March,2005 |
| 326 | My Pride of Barbados Preview: (To my future wife) Flowers. Only God knows how the world would have been without them. Perhaps colorless. Therefore the Great Artist seeing how unbeautiful the earth would have looked like in the absence of these plants, decided to add them as a finishing stroke in his canvas. So God said: "Let there be flowers." And there were flowers. And G... (more) Published By: Arthur Zulu Submitted: 15 March,2005 |
| 327 | Bernie Ebbers and The Tempations Preview: Bernie Ebbers and the Temptations. If you don’t give a heck about the man with the Bible in his hand. . . . --Mack Rice No. Not those temptations. I mean The Temptations. And I am not talking about whoever is touring under the name today. I am talking about Melvin Franklin, Otis Williams, Paul Williams, Eddie Kendrick and David Ruffin. The r... (more) Published By: Roger Wright Submitted: 17 March,2005 |
| 328 | Abe Lincoln, Bob Dylan and John Bolton Preview: Connecting Abe Lincoln and John Bolton Thru Bob Dylan He gives power to the faint and strengthens the powerless. Isaiah 40:29 Abraham Lincoln had a sinus headache. September in Washington DC. The day brought news of the battle at Manassas and it looked like there was no stopping Lee. Lincoln's head was throbbing. Maybe writing out his thoughts... (more) Published By: Roger Wright Submitted: 18 March,2005 |
| 329 | How To Cash In On Your ‘Ailment Capital' Preview: Right after the president won his re-election bid for the White House, he made an interesting comment. He said he was going to spend his "political capital" wisely. At first, I did not understand what he was talking about, but then I began to think about it. All his work in getting re-elected won him a certain amount of influence with the people ... (more) Published By: Rev. James L. Snyder Submitted: 19 March,2005 |
| 330 | A SHORTAGE OF PUCKS N' PRANKS... Preview: Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005. A SHORTAGE OF PUCKS N' PRANKS... Or, where have all the April Fools’ Day greeting cards gone? It’s always been a mystery to me why I can never find April Fools’ Day cards in stores. There's a paucity of Pucks not to mention pranks if ever there was one! Who says loons and buffoons don’t deserve their own ca... (more) Published By: Samantha Tooting-Beck Submitted: 22 March,2005 |